thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
