okay pat passed out under dana's car
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
