Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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