There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
