Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
