why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
