Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
