I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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