so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
