i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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