Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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