:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
