all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
