At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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