I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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