you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
