Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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