your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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