Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
