Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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