Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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