so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
