Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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