Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
