One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
