My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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