I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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