Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
