I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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