tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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