when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
