I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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