I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
