there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
