i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
