Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
even my farts smell like vagina
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
