i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
