You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
