I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
