Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize