He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
