Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The feeling are messing with the penis
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
