to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
