I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
