She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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