I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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