I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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