K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There r osticjed everywhere
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
