Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I love you. Go after that dick
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
