He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
