When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Did I show you my penis last night?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
