**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
