You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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