the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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