I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
birth control should be required to get into college
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
