oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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