well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
