People with herpes should wear stickers.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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