oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
