yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I love you. Go after that dick
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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