my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the day after is always just damage control
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
