She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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