Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
