too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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