I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
