why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
