Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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