He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.