we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
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I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
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BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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