Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
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we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
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Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out