$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.