how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.