Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
A+ Viking dick