This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We have started to decorate penises.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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