i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He better not be in your backpack
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.