My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?