and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
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every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
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I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.