Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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