dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
