you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
