the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
