Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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