Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
