we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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