This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
