On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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