Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
