if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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