My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
