I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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